Dear Abby: Betrayed Wife Questions Whether to Stay in 35-Year Marriage
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. The week we celebrated our 34th anniversary, he invited a friend to our vacation home for an overnight date. He didn’t know that our adult children had set up a trail camera in the forest — and was caught red-handed. He was confronted about his behavior and had to tell me.
I was shocked but not surprised by this. I believe they had been having an emotional affair for many years. I warned him that he was getting involved and that it could cost his career, but he did it anyway.
After it happened, I asked him to go to marriage counseling with me and apologize to our children. He did neither one nor the other. I went to counseling for six months. We are still married and live under the same roof. The affair opened my eyes to the person he is — a liar, cheater and traitor. I see all his flaws and I don’t like him. He’s not a nice person. He also blamed me for his cheating.
I’m not sure I can be married to him any longer. Cheaters think they are only cheating on their spouse. Actually, they are cheating the whole family. I don’t think he’s sorry for his behavior. I have invested a lot in my marriage and am retired. I’m not sure I can start over again. I’m also not sure I can handle being so desperately unhappy. I would be very grateful for suggestions. I have suffered mental anguish for too long. — DESTROYED IN WISCONSIN
Abby’s Advice
DEAR DESTROYED: You have a lot to find out. That’s why it’s time for you to see your therapist again (or find a new one) for help deciding how you want to live the rest of your life. From what you wrote, you are now living with an evil man who you no longer trust or respect, who blames you for his cheating.
If you begin therapy, please make appointments with several attorneys who specialize in family law. These people can educate you on what rights you have as a wife of 35 years in Wisconsin, which I believe is a community property state. Once you know where you stand financially, starting over may not seem so scary.
PS: Normally in these circumstances I would advise the betrayed spouse to make an appointment to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, but since the relationship you have with your husband has been so frosty since he went astray, this may not be necessary in your case.
Dear Abby: Husband Seeks Peace and Quiet Away From Sports
DEAR ABBY: I love my wife. We have been married for 34 years. She watches more sporting events than I do, regardless of who is playing. I only watch the teams I like. I don’t care about other teams.
What can I do to get some peace other than leaving the room? I’m the only one who works — and I work more than 50 hours a week. Sometimes I just want some peace and quiet. — PLAYED IN ARIZONA
Abby’s Advice
DEAR PLAYED: If you need peace and quiet in your free time, buy a second TV and place it in another room of the house. This means your wife can enjoy her sporting events and you can have the peace and quiet you need to recharge your batteries.
