Advice Seeker Speaks Out Against Her Mother’s Abusive Ex-Partner Reunion
Published on June 27, 2026 • Last updated 16 hours ago
Note: This column was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was created by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
A woman who severed ties with her abusive father at age 12 is grappling with intense emotions after learning that her mother has reconnected with him and they are back together. Now 26, the advice seeker explained that her father subjected her to emotional, psychological, and physical abuse throughout her childhood, and that cutting contact was essential to her well-being.
When her mother revealed the renewed relationship, the woman said she was vocal about her disapproval. Her mother, however, dismissed her concerns, insisting the situation was not as serious as her daughter was making it, claiming it shouldn’t be an issue, and reassuring her that she would never have to see him.
“I can’t tell her what to do, but she can’t tell me how to feel,” the woman wrote. After expressing her upset over the phone, her mother began crying, hung up the call, and turned off her phone. The advice seeker acknowledged she didn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings but felt compelled to speak her truth.
The woman expressed deep pain and a sense of being unseen, saying she doesn’t know how to move past the hurt while still maintaining her relationship with her mother. She described even mundane conversations as difficult, knowing her mother is now in a relationship with someone who intentionally harmed her. She admitted to reaching her lowest point and desperately needing help to overcome the crisis.
Dear Abby’s Response
In her response, Dear Abby addressed the woman directly, noting that it was unclear from the letter whether the father had also abused the mother in the same way. Abby pointed out that it is a mother’s duty to protect her child, and acknowledged that the mother and father had eventually separated.
Abby advised that the woman is now an adult with the ability to protect herself from anyone who tries to abuse her. She emphasized that the woman cannot stop her mother from pursuing happiness, regardless of whether others believe it is a mistake, and noted there is no guarantee the reunion will last.
Abby highlighted that every decision carries a cost. The price the mother may pay is reduced contact with her daughter. As for the advice seeker, Abby recommended a few sessions with a licensed psychotherapist to help her emotionally separate and heal from both parents, adding that therapy should have been sought after the abuse she endured as a child.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
